A sexless marriage is a trap

Marriage is the only place or institution God has created so people can have sex and enjoy its mysteries and benefits. Actually, one major reason why the two people, man and woman, would come together in marriage is so they could have sex and fulfil the mandate of God thereof. 

Sex is supposed to be enjoyed in marriage where it gives life, heals, honours God and unites the couple beyond human understanding. However, these days, it is much easier to have sex outside marriage than in marriage. This is exactly where the deception lies and this is one reason marriages break down. Remember that the divorce rate globally sits at almost 50% and there are two major reasons given for divorce in most marriages. These are financial and sexual in nature. Lack of financial transparency is given as number one, mostly in the First World, while sexual sanctions are major and common throughout the globe. Many marriages are sexless, worse with the level of stress and depression in the world. There are many psychological reasons given for this. Things like unemployment and lack of adequate finances bring a lot of insecurity in marriage resulting in high levels of depression. Couples no longer have time to think of themselves or about themselves as they are preoccupied with survival. I am actually trying to have a survey in southern Africa on this aspect. I chat with so many couples a week and this is top of the list. Other things like outright corruption, immorality and hard-heartedness also contribute so much to this trap.

You see sexual activity is in the mind and when the mind is preoccupied with fear, anxiety and insecurity, it affects the romantic ability of the body and many couples suffer this and before they know it, they are fighting each other. I can list a lot of these psychological reasons here but that is not my intention today. These psychological reasons are secondary and sometimes used as scapegoats. The number one culprit is our lack of knowledge on what sex is all about in marriage. Because we lack the knowledge, we are unable to defend this gift and we begin to flow with the evil schemes of the enemy of marriage. In Hosea 4:6 God laments that, “my people perish for lack of knowledge.” This is where we are found wanting, beloved. The knowledge of God on sex in marriage. If we were to sacrifice our time and resources learning about God’s purposes of the gifts He has given us, the better.
A sexless marriage is a trap
In God’s plan and vocabulary, there is nothing called a sexless marriage. Marriage is a sex zone and it is where sex is found and done and not the other way round. Because we have conformed to the world standards, we have seriously fallen short in the sexual mystery in marriage. There are too many sanctions. Sex is used now as a weapon of manipulation. Couples take turns to torture each other and open themselves up for the devil to pull them apart. A sexless life in marriage does not result in divorce only but can bring a lot of other complications with it. Let me just highlight a few here.

It frustrates your relationship
Many couples are frustrated because they are not giving each other deserved conjugal rights. They do not even agree on how and when to do or not do. It’s all based on feelings and moods and not on mutual arrangements. When you are frustrated, you begin to think negatively about your spouse and you open your soul to serious attacks by the enemy.

It may lead to impotence
Many men slowly lose their sexual power under frustrations. When sex is erratic, men get affected in their systems but when it is flowing and well-regulated their systems get conditioned and remain active. If a woman gives a man sex once in a month, surely, each time he engages in the act, he is like a beginner and he will find it difficult to satisfy the woman.

It leads to adultery
A huge percentage of married people committing adultery cite sexlessness as the reason for straying. Most of them, instead of trying to fix their marriages, are quick to go out and find alternatives. This is the worst way of trying to deal with a marital problem of this nature. Many have gone without returning and have hurt themselves and many others in the process. I am aware there are those of us who commit adultery just because we want to.

It leads to divorce
When there is no sex in the marriage, couples pull apart. They begin to hate each other, seriously. This is betrayal of the marriage institution and the enemy loves this. Sex keeps a couple united even under pressure. You lose it when you allow challenges to interfere with your sex life. This is one of the reasons why the Bible teaches in Hebrew 13:4, that the marriage bed must not be defiled. It is a sanctuary. Do not let anything in there. This includes your own attitudes and moods, cultures and etc. The couple must preserve their intimacy from the perverse and debasing practices of a lewd society. Sex life in marriage must be regarded as sacred because it is sacred.

Understand this one thing, beloved, that wisdom builds your marriage or house, understanding will establish you and knowledge will make you walk in the fullness of the promises of God in your life. Invest your resources therefore, during these crazy times, in getting these three pillars concerning your family and life. Sex in marriage is the key that unlocks the fountains of joy and fullness that you are looking for.

There are many books written on sex in marriage but most of them are just mechanical. There is one book, however, that I can recommend to you. It is Biblical and balanced. It is called Married and Loving It by pastor Tich and Prinsisca Tanyanyiwa. Otherwise, for more on these attend our seminars and our school of marriage which is coming soon. Visit our blog @fruitfulmarriages.wordpress.com and learn more.

l Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or whatsapp on +263 775 337 207, +263 772 610 103 or citizenafricafoundation@gmail.com

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